Christmas!

This year for Christmas was spent at my parents house. Baylee was very excited to be going to see Grandma Karen. The night before Christmas Eve she stayed at Grandma Tam's house and then Jon and I picked her up on our way out of town. She was very concerned that we were leaving Grandma Tam's until she heard where we were going. When we got there the festivities began. Aunt Cally and Uncle Kortney showed up early and we all started playing games. Later that evening we had our traditional Clam Choweder and rolls by candlelight, then we headed out to do some caroling, Baylee thought it was great! She would get right up front and sing her little heart out. After that we headed home for the Christmas story, Grandma Karen gave all the kids a piece from her nativity and they got to put it in place when their part came up. Baylee was baby Jesus and was so cute holding it. After that it was time to open one gift and head to bed. Grandma Tam had sent a special gift with instructions to open on Christmas Eve. She had made matching Jammies for all the grandkids. Baylee loved her pink snowmen!

Jon and I started a new tradition this year, we bought and advent calander that looks like a house. It has 25 doors on it that open so you can put a treat in it. Baylee would remind us all month that we needed to get the prize out. Well the 25th stayed empty because we told her Santa would put something special in it to let her know it was Christmas day and he had been there. She was excited Christmas morning to find a chocolate santa in that door.

All in all we had a great Christmas. Baylee got a awesome keyboard that I think I love playing with more then her, dress up cloths, art stuff, clothes and two new baby dolls. I think Jon's gift was the best because it not only benifits him but me as well. I have been asking for him to make me a bed and he kept telling me he didn't have the tools so this year for Christmas I gave him cash towards new tools. I knew he had money saved up to help get what he wanted. So now he has the tools and I am getting a new bed. That post will be coming soon!!!

Santa!!!

Last year Baylee would not go near Santa but this year was different. She talked about Santa since after Halloween and how he was going to come to her house. She fell in love with the idea of Santa. So when it came time to go visit Santa I figured she would be excited until she saw him. Because of a church thing I was unable to take her to the Library when Santa came but Daddy stepped up and took her. He talked up Santa the whole time. So when it came time for her to sit on his lap Baylee was in Heaven. She still talks about how great Santa is and how he is coming to her house. When ever she has something and someone asks her where she got it she informs them that Santa brought it to her house. It is almost the end of January and we are still watching "The Santa Clause".

reflection

This is one of the hardest weeks of a year for me. 4 years ago this was the week that one of my biggest dreams ended. As I have looked back on it over the last few days I realize how far I have come. If someone had told me 4 years ago I would be where I am today I would have never have believed them. The birth of McKenzie Jo and Vanessa Rose was both the best and worst day I have experienced. It is the day I became a mother and the day I lost my children. Growing up you never think you will experience the trials that Jon and I had to go through to get children. It was years of tears(not all the time there were a ton of happy moments) and struggles with trying to figure out why. Why was this happening to us, why would God not give me a child was I going to be a bad parent, what did I do to deserve this and one of my not so proud thoughts "why do they deserve one look at them!" But even with all of these negative feelings and thoughts Jon was there to help me see the bright side and know that when it happens it will be the right time and everything will be great. So when it did happen you can imagine the joy it brought to my life. Not only was I pregnant but with twins. This is something I had dreamed and imagined as a child!!!! I never thought it would really happen and here after all this time it did. I was over joyed and scared to death. My life became consumed with trying to gather all the knowledge I could about pregnancy, twins and how to raise a child. So when that dreaded moment came that I realized I was in labor and there was no stopping this from happening I had two choices on how to react. 1. I could blame the Lord and hate the world and shrivel up and die on the inside or 2. I could turn to my heavenly Father and ask for stregnth from him and all those around me.

I am so thankful to say that I choose the 2nd choice. No it was not an easy choice. Everything in me wanted to hate the world and lash out at every pregnant woman I could find. I wanted to hide so I wouldn't have to smile or see children or pretend I was happy when everything in me was hurting so bad. I knew this was not the right thing to do but it was what was easiest luckily for me I have a husband and so many family and friends that would not let that happen. Because of the Love that surrounded me thanks to a wonderful heavenly father I was able to pretend until it became true.

There are moments that I forget how dark it was how bad it hurt but on weeks like this I remember and am so glad that it is not dark and painful any more. I now focus on the happy moments of that week. The moment I got to hold my wonderful daughters who are now in heaven doing the work of the Lord. I don't have to worry about them being corrupted by the world or hurt or any such thing. They will be in the celestial kingdom awaiting my arrival!!! I am so glad for the gospel and the strength it gives me. Now when I face a trial(after the initial freak out) I can move through knowing there is an end to it and I will only be stronger after going through it.

Sorry this post is not only long but full of sadness, I just needed a moment and a place to reflect on my angels and what they have brought into my life. I love them and am thankful for the short time we had with them. I look forward to the day I get to hold them in my arms once again. Until then I have a wonderful little Baylee to love and hold. She make my life full of joy and when I am having one of those days that is hard to push the dark away all I have to do is look in her sweet face and know that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy.

One of those days!

Have you ever gotten out of bed and thought now why the heck did I do that! Today is one of those days I should have just stayed asleep. My head is a pounding my house is in need of more cleaning and I have a 3 year old that is not helping with any of those things. It seems the past week has been spent cleaning the same mess over and over and over. How am I ever suppose to get around to the other messes if I am always cleaning the same one? I would just work harder but if I work more then I am I end up with a stupid pain in my side that doubles me over(I guess I should go figure out what is causing this but that is just another phone call to make). We are trying to teach Baylee to clean her own mess and she is pretty good about cleaning up one or two things and then she calls it quits. As a mother I have to ask does teaching children to clean ever get any easier? I love being a mom and being home all day it is wonderful not to miss out on any of the wonderful moments with Baylee, but the same old of cleaning gets to me. How many times can I pick up the same pair of shoes before I completely loose my mind? Now I am not alone in all of this. I have a wonderful husband who gets up goes to work comes home and helps me clean, runs errands and then heads back to work and is gone until after midnight without complaining one bit. It is just one of those days.

On a more positive note, a new year is here and new adventures await our family. We are excited to be starting the new year in our new home. So far we have made many new friends and are looking forward to making more. Our ward has sucked us right in and gotten us busy. I have been called to the position of Second Counselor in the Relief Society. This calling has me scared but also excited. What a great way to get to know all the ladies in the ward and build a love for my ward family! It has been good for me but I still am a little lost and trying to figure everything out. Jon has been called as the second Counselor in the Sunday School. I am not sure what all the entails but I am sure he will be great at it. Baylee is starting sunbeams on Sunday, not really sure how that is going to go over with her. We tried letting her know that she will be a sunbeam and she started pouting and saying NO! I am sure she will adjust with time if they can just keep her from standing up and dancing to the music!!!

Just randomness

The girls love to dress up and thanks to Danielle we had a few new costumes!
The stairs in the new house has been great entertainment. Baylee has over come her fear of stairs very fast and discovers new ways to come down them all the time. Her favorite way is on her tummy feet first racing daddy! They were trying going down on their backs. Notice they are dress up in their princess dresses.
I love when we put Baylee's hair in curlers and end up with tight curls all over the place. She just looks so cute I always have to take a picture.
This is just a random picture I had taken of London and Baylee. It just goes to show that friends come in all sizes!

Halloween

The tick or treating crew!





Baylee has really been into Tinker Bell these last couple of months and she just loved her costume. After I put her costume on her I thought it need a little more to it so I put makeup on her. Jon told me I was starting something that I would later regret and I just shrugged it off but I now regret it. Every day since she has asked for makeup. But look how cute of a fairy princess she makes!!!

We were officially in our new ward on Halloween so I figured I better attend the ward Trunk or Treat party. It was so much fun seeing all the little kids run around in their costumes. Baylee loved going to all the cars and seeing the decorations and she was so polite and said Thank you everytime someone gave her candy. That was the only trick or treating she got to do and it was just the right amount of candy. I didn't gain too much weight eating it!!

Baylee's Birthday

Wow I am behind! Well October 1st we celebrate Baylee's 3rd birthday! We did not do a party this year but choose to have it just be our little family. The day started out with her gift. She got candy land because mommy was tired of playing Dora all the time. Baylee loves to play games and will play them for hours. While Daddy was at work Baylee and I played Candy Man(this is what she calls candy land). When Daddy got home he had a big surprise for Baylee! He had gone and gotten her Balloons. She was in heaven! These Balloons where so good that they were still floating on the ceiling when we moved almost a month later! We went to Baylee's favorite restaurant for dinner which just happens to be Applebee's. Hmm wonder why that would be her favorite? After dinner we came home to a cake and that was the day. We had more gifts and cupcakes later in the week with her cousins.